Monsieur D'Olive Act 5

VANDOME: Come, my good lord, now will I try my brain,
If it can forge another golden chain,
To draw the poor recluse, my honored mistress,
From her dark cell and superstitious vow.
I oft have heard there is a kind of cure
To fright a ling'ring fever from a man
By an imaginous fear; which may be true,
For one heat, all know, doth drive out another,
One passion doth expel another still;
And therefore I will use a feigned device ... [V.1.10]
To kindle fury in her frozen breast,
That rage may fire out grief, and so restore her
To her most sociable self again.

VANDOME: Mark but my midwifery; the day is now
Some three hours old, and now her night begins;
Stand close, my lord; if she and her sad meinie
Be toward sleep, or sleeping, I will wake them
With orderly alarms. Page! Boy! Sister! ... [V.1.20]
All tongue-tied, all asleep? Page! Sister!

VAUMONT: Alas, Vandome, do not disturb their rest
For pity's sake, 'tis young night yet with them.

VANDOME: My lord, your only way to deal with women
And parrots, is to keep them waking still.
Page? Who's above? Are you all dead here?

DICQUE: 'Slight, is hell broke loose? Who's there?
[He looks out with a light.]

DICQUE: Then know this castle is a house of woe;
Here harbor none but two distressed ladies, ... [V.1.30]
Condemned to darkness, and this is their jail,
And I the giant set to guard the same;
My name is Dildo. [Retrahit se.]

VANDOME: Sirrah, leave your roguery; and hearken to me;
what, page, I say! [Redit cum lumine.]

DICQUE: If your business be of weight, let it wait till the ... [V.1.40]
afternoon, for by that time my lady will be delivered of her
first sleep. Begone, for fear of watery meteors.

DICQUE: Very good; then I'll tell her here's one besides
himself has business to her from nobody. [Retrahit se.]

VANDOME: Will you dispatch, sir? You know me well
enough; I am Vandome. [Enter Eurione above.]

VANDOME: Why, I hope you are not going to bed; I see you
are not yet unready. If ever you will deserve my love, let
it be now by calling forth my mistress; I have news for her ... [V.1.60]
that touch her nearly.

VANDOME: The worst of ills; would any tongue but mine
had been the messenger. [Enter Marcellina above.]

VANDOME: O mistress, come down with all speed possible,
and leave that mournful cell of yours; I'll show you another
place worthy of your mourning.

MARCELLINA: Speak, man, my heart is armed with a
mourning-habit of such proof, that there is none greater ... [V.1.70]
without it to pierce it.

VANDOME: If you please to come down, I'll impart what I
know; if not, I'll leave you.

EURIONE: Why stand you so at gaze, sister? Go down to him.
Stay, brother, she comes to you. [Exeunt Marcellina and Eurione.]

VANDOME: 'Twill take, I doubt not; though herself be ice,
There's one with her all fire, and to her spirit
I must apply my counterfeit device:
Stand close, my lord.

VAUMONT: ~~~ I warrant you; proceed. ... [V.1.80]
[He retires. Enter Marcellina and Eurione below.]

VANDOME: Come, silly mistress, where's your worthy lord?
I know you not; but too well I know.

MARCELLINA: Now heaven grant all be well!
: ~~~ How can it be?
While you, poor turtle, sit and mourn at home,
Mewed in your cage, your mate, he flies abroad:
O heavens, who would have thought him such a man?

VANDOME: To wrong such a beauty, to profane such virtue,
and to prove disloyal! ... [V.I.90]

EURIONE: Disloyal? Nay, ne'er gild him o'er with fine
terms, brother; he is a filthy lord, and ever was, I did ever
say so; I never knew any good o' th' hair. I do but wonder
how you made shift to love him, or what you saw in him
to entertain but so much as a piece of good thought on
him.

EURIONE: Tush, sister, bid me not forbear! A woman may
bear and bear, and be never the better thought-on, neither;
I would you had never seen the eyes of him, for I know he ... [V.1.100]
never loved you in's life.

MARCELLINA: You wrong him, sister; I am sure he loved me,
As I loved him; and happy I had been,
Had I then died, and shunned this hapless life.

EURIONE: Nay, let him die, and all such as he is; he lay
a-caterwauling not long since. Oh, if it had been the will of
heaven, what a dear blessing had the world had in his
riddance!

VANDOME: But had the lecher none to single out
For object of his light lascivious blood ... [V.1.110]
But my poor cousin that attends the Duchess,
Lady Hieronime?
: ~~~ What, that blabber-lipped blouse?

VANDOME: Nay, no blouse, sister, though I must confess
She comes far short of your perfection.

EURIONE: Yes, by my troth, if she were your cousin a
thousand times, she's but a sallow, freckled-face piece when
she is at the best.

VANDOME: Yet spare my cousin, sister, for my sake;
She merits milder censure at your hands,
And ever held your worth in noblest terms. ... [V.1.120]

EURIONE: Faith, the gentlewoman is a sweet gentlewoman
of herself; I must needs give her her due.

VANDOME: But for my lord your husband, honored mistress,
He made your beauties and your virtues too
But foils to grace my cousin's; had you seen
His amorous letters -- but my cousin presently
Will tell you all, for she rejects his suit;
Yet I advised her to make a show she did not,
But point to meet him when you might surprise him,
And this is just the hour. ... [V.1.130]

EURIONE: God's my life, sister, lose not this advantage! It
will be a good trump to lay in his way upon any quarrel.
Come, you shall go. 'Sbody, will you suffer him to disgrace
you in this sort? Dispraise your beauty? And I do not
think, too, but he has been as bold with your honor, which
above all earthly things should be dearest to a woman.

EURIONE: True, next to her beauty; and I do not think,
sister, but he deviseth slanders against you, even in that
high kind -- ... [V.1.140]

VANDOME: Make your account, your share's as deep as hers;
when you see my cousin she'll tell you all; we'll to her
presently.

EURIONE: 'Slight, I would but know what he can say! I
pray you, brother, tell me! ... [V.1.160]

EURIONE: No, I protest! When I know my carriage to be
such as no stain can obscure, his slanders shall never move
me; yet would I fain to know what he feigns.

VANDOME: It fits not me to play the gossip's part; we'll to
my cousin, she'll relate all.

VANDOME: What can he not say, who being drunk with lust,
and surfeiting with desire of change, regards not what he ... [V.1.160]
says? And briefly I will tell you thus much now: 'Let
my melancholy lady,' says he, 'hold on this course till she
waste herself, and consume my revenue in tapers, yet this
is certain, that as long as she has that sister of hers at her
elbow --'

EURIONE: What can his yellow jealousy surmise against me?
If you love me, let me hear it. I protest it shall not move ... [V.1.170]
me.

VANDOME: Marry, forsooth, you are the shoeing-horn, he
says, to draw on, to draw on, sister.

EURIONE: Go? By heaven you bid me to a banquet!
Sister, resolve yourself, for you shall go; lose no more time,
for you shall abroad on my life; his liquorish chaps are ... [V.1.180]
walking by this time. But for heaven's sweet hope, what
means he by that shoeing-horn? As I live, it shall not
move me.

VANDOME: Tell me but this, did you ever break betwixt my
mistress and your sister here, and a certain lord i'th' Court?

VANDOME: Well, he says, you can your good, you may be ... [V.1.190]
waiting-woman to any dame in Europe; that Petrarch
does good offices.

VANDOME: As when any lady is in private courtship with
this or that gallant, your Petrarch helps to entertain time.
You understand his meaning?

EURIONE: Sister, if you resolve to go, so it is. For by heaven
your stay shall be no bar to me; I'll go, that's infallible;
it had been as good he had slandered the devil. Shoeing- ... [V.1.200]
horn! Oh, that I were a man, for's sake!

VANDOME: But to abuse your person and your beauty too, a
grace wherein this part of the world is happy -- but I shall
offend too much.

VANDOME: But to say ye had a dull eye, a sharp nose (the
visible marks of a shrew), a dry hand (which is a sign of
a bad liver, as he said you were) being toward a husband,
too; this was intolerable.

VANDOME: Indeed, he said you dressed your head in a pretty
strange fashion; but you would dress your husband's
head in a far stranger; meaning the Count of Saint Anne, I
think.

VANDOME: Faith, nothing but that he wears black, and says
'tis his mistress' colors. And yet he protests that in his
eye your face shows well enough by candlelight, for the
Count never saw it otherwise, unless 'twere under a mask, ... [V.1.220]
which, indeed, he says, becomes you above all things.

EURIONE: Come, page, go along with me; I'll stay for
nobody. 'Tis at your cousin's chamber, is it not?

EURIONE: That's enough; let my sister go waste his
revenue in tapers; 'twill be her own another day.

MARCELLINA: Good sister, servant, if ever there were any
love or respect to me in you both --

EURIONE: Sister, there is no love, nor respect, nor any
conjuration, shall stay me; and yet, by my part in heaven, ... [V.1.230]
I'll not be moved a whit with him. You may retire yourself
to your old cell, and there waste your eyes in tears, your
heart in sighs; I'll away, certain.

VANDOME: But, soft, let's agree first what course we shall
take when we take him.

EURIONE: Marry, even raise the streets on him, and bring
him forth with a flock of boys about him to hoot at him.

VANDOME: No, that were too great a dishonor; I'll put
him out on's pain, presently. [Stringit ensem.]

[DICQUE]: Nay, good sir, spare his life; cut off the offending ... [V.1.240]
part, and save the Count.

MARCELLINA: Is there no remedy? Must I break my vow?
Stay, I'll abroad, though with another aim,
Not to procure, but to prevent his shame.

VANDOME: Go, page, march on; you know my cousin's chamber,
My company may wrong you; I will cross
The nearer way, and set the house afore you;
But, sister, see you be not moved, for God's sake!

EURIONE: Not I, by heaven! Come, sister, be not moved,
But if you spare him, may heaven ne'er spare you! ... [V.1.250]
[Exeunt Marcellina, Eurione and Dicque. Manent Vandome and Vaumont.]

VAUMONT: Pray heaven, you have not gone a step too far,
And raised more sprites than you can conjure down!

VANDOME: No, my lord, no; th' Herculean labor's past,
The vow is broke, which was the end we sweat for,
The reconcilement will meet of itself:
Come, let's to Court, and watch the lady's chamber,
Where they are gone with hopeful spleen to see you.

Scene V.2 [A Street before the Court.]
[Enter Roderigue, Mugeron; D'Olive in disguise towards the lady's chamber]

RODERIGUE: See, Mugeron, our counterfeit letter hath taken;
who's yonder, think'st?

RODERIGUE: If't be not he, I'm sure he's not far off;
Those be his tressels that support the motion.

MUGERON: 'Tis he, by heaven, wrapt in his careless cloak!
See the Duke enters; let him enjoy the benefit of the
enchanted ring, and stand awhile invisible; at our best
opportunity we'll discover him to the Duke.
[Enter Duke, Duchess, Saint Anne, Vaumont, Vandome; to them, whispering Vandome in the ear, and speaks as on the other side.]

DICQUE: [Aside.] Monsieur Vandome, yonder's no lord to be ... [V.2.10]
found; my lady stays at hand and craves your speech.

VANDOME: [Aside.] Tell her she mistook the place, and
conduct her hither. [Exit Dicque.] How will she look when
she finds her expectation mocked now?

VANDOME: Your wife and sister are coming hither, hoping to
take you and my cousin together.

VANDOME: Let me alone, and stand you off, my lord. ... [V.2.20]
[Enter Marcellina and Eurione.]
Madam, y'are welcome to the Court; do you see your lord
yonder? I have made him happy by training you forth;
in a word, all I said was but a train to draw you from your
vow; nay, there's no going back, come forward and keep
your temper. Sister, cloud not your forehead; yonder's
a sun will clear your beauties, I am sure. Now you see
the shoeing-horn is expounded; all was but a shoeing-
horn to draw you hither; now show yourselves women,
and say nothing.
[Duke, to Roderigue and Mugeron.] Let him alone awhile. ... [V.2.30]
~~~ Vandome, who's there?
What whisper you?
: ~~~ Y'ave done? Come forward,
See here, my lord, my honorable mistress
And her fair sister, whom your Highness knows
Could never be importuned from their vows
By prayer, or th' earnest suits of any friends,
Now hearing false report that your fair Duchess
Was dangerously sick, to visit her
Did that which no friend else could win her to,
And brake her long-kept vow with her repair.

DUKE: Madam, you do me an exceeding honor ... [V.2.40]
In showing this true kindness to my Duchess,
Which she with all her kindness will requite.

VANDOME: [To St. Anne.] Now, my good lord, the motion you have made
With such kind importunity by yourself,
And seconded with all persuasions
On my poor part, for marriage of this lady,
Herself now comes to tell you she embraces,
And (with that promise made me) I present her.

EURIONE: Sister, we must forgive him.
. ANNE: ~~~ Matchless lady,
Your beauties and your virtues have achieved ... [V.2.50]
An action that I thought impossible;
For, all the sweet attractions of your sex
In your conditions so to life resembling
The grace and fashion of my other wife,
You have revived her to my loving thoughts,
And all the honors I have done to her
Shall be continued, with increase, to you.

RODERIGUE: Come, come; 'Could Achilles hide himself
under a woman's clothes?' Greatness will shine through
clouds of any disguise.

RODERIGUE: Monsieur D'Olive, my lord; stolen hither
disguised, with what mind we know not.

MUGERON: Never strive to be gone, sir! My lord, his habit ... [V.2.70]
expounds his heart; 'twere good he were searched.

D'OLIVE: Well, rooks, well, I'll be no longer a block to whet
your dull wits on. My lord, my lord, you wrong not
yourself only, but your whole state, to suffer such ulcers as
these to gather head in your Court; never look to have any
action sort to your honor when you suffer such earwigs
to creep into your ears thus.

RODERIGUE: Alas, my lord, only the lightness of his brain,
because his hopes are lost. ... [V.2.80]

MUGERON: For our parts, we have been trusty and secret to
him in the whole manage of his ambassage.

D'OLIVE: Trusty? A plague on you both! There's as
much trust in a common whore as in one of you; and as for
secrecy, there's no more in you than in a professed scrivener.

D'OLIVE: Marry, sir, a man cannot trust him with borrowing
so much as poor forty shillings, but he will have it 'known
to all men by these presents.'

VANDOME: That's true indeed, but you employed those ... [V.2.90]
gentlemen very safely.

D'OLIVE: Employed? Ay, marry, sir, they were the
men that first kindled this humor of employment in me;
a pox of employment, I say! It has cost me -- but what it
has cost me, it skills not -- they have thrust upon me a crew
of threadbare, unbuttoned fellows to be my followers --
tailors, frippers, brokers, cashiered clerks, pettifoggers, and
I know not who, I! 'Slight, I think, they have swept all
the bowling-alleys i'th' city for them; and a crew of these,
raked like old rags out of dunghills by candlelight, have ... [V.2.100]
they presented to me in very good fashion to be gentlemen
of my train, and sold them hope of raising their fortunes
by me. A plague on that phrase, raising of fortunes; it
has undone more men than ten dicing-houses; raise their
fortunes with a vengeance! And a man will play the fool
and be a lord, or be a fool and play the lord, he shall be
sure to want no followers, so there be hope to raise their
fortunes. A burning fever light on you, and all such
followers! 'Sfoot, they say followers are but shadows, that
follow their lords no longer than the sun shines on them; ... [V.2.110]
but I find it not so; the sun is set upon my employment,
and yet I cannot shake off my shadows, my followers grow
to my heels like kibes, I cannot stir out of doors for 'em.
And your Grace have an employment for my followers, pray
entertain my company; they'll spend their blood in your
service, for they have little else to spend; you may soon
raise their fortunes.

DUKE: Well, Monsieur D'Olive, your forwardness
In this intended service shall well know
What acceptation it hath won itself ... [V.2.120]
In our kind thoughts; nor let this sudden change
Discourage the designments you have laid
For our State's good; reserve yourself, I pray,
Till fitter times. Meantime will I secure you
From all your followers; follow us to Court,
And good my lords, and you, my honored ladies,
Be all made happy in the worthy knowledge
Of this our worthy friend, Monsieur D'Olive.

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